Daisy was absolutely not pacing on the other side of that door for most of that minute. As soon as Max knocks, she's there opening it and letting him in.
There's a moment of relief that he hasn't found out from someone that she already knew about this, but that moment passes quickly into the reality that she has a choice to make: play ignorant and hope to god Erik doesn't bust her, or rip the bandaid off and admit she's been sitting on this.
...but who's she kidding, there's only one right choice.
Daisy draws in a breath, and says: "...I know. I— I talked to him. I should've come told you, but I didn't know..." she shakes her head. "I should've told you."
The worst part of caring is when you do something wrong and you get to feel your heartstrings tugged by something as simple as falling shoulders. Daisy presses her lips together and steps back to sit on the edge of the couch.
"No. I didn't kill him. Didn't lay a hand on him except in self-defence. Even that was just a couple scratches. He—" she sighs, gestures loosely, "didn't like how much I knew about him. But he backed off, so I backed off."
He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. She didn't kill Erik. Good. Still, he wishes she'd come to him about it. Valdis's words enter his mind, then. They were protecting Max in their own ways. Not telling him might have seemed like the kinder thing. He doesn't think Daisy wanted to upset him.
"He doesn't like when people know too much about him. He doesn't like when people have leverage over him." He knows he's probably not telling her anything she hasn't figured out for herself.
"What did he say to you? He actually attacked you?" Self defense, she said. What happened between them? Max has so rarely seen him lose his cool.
"Grabbed me by the neck and pinned me to the wall. Only for a few seconds, really." She swipes her tongue over her teeth and chuckles humourlessly. "Didn't even hurt."
He would've had to try a lot harder to do her any real damage, and some part of her still wishes he'd given her the excuse, but no. Being the bigger person was the right thing, even if it feels like shit.
"I told him about my time with you both and he didn't believe me. So I told him things I could only know if he'd told me. And then he just fell back on poking at things to try and get a rise out of me. Probably would've worked, not that long ago."
"He did?" Max is horrified. He knows his master can and does use violence but it still hurts to know he used it on a friend.
For the first time, curiosity is overpowering Max's caution. He knows Erik and Dasiy spent hours talking in private. Erik considered her more an equal than he ever did Max, so he must have shared more. Max always told himself he was content not knowing. But is he really?
"Yeah. He did. But just that. Rest was just words."
And this version of him luckily didn't know her well enough to get under her skin with anything more than Max. Things might have ended differently if he did.
"Stuff about his past. Long before you were in the picture. About how he ended who he is. The same kind of stuff I ended up telling the him in the memory about me."
Unbelievable as it seems, jealousy tightens Max's chest. He was Erik's pet for seven years, but he never got to hear these stories. Was he never... good enough to hear those stories?
Daisy blows air past her lips, sinking a little against the back of the couch. "It was..." she trails off, and starts over: "I think he's concerned with how it makes him look. In different ways with different people. You know, he likes... control, over his image."
"Yeah. He does." Max isn't so blind to how things were that he couldn't see how tightly Erik held on to control.
"With vampires, your image and honor are a kind of currency. He was only thirty years into being an Elder and still had a lot to prove. I didn't, um... I didn't ask about his sister ever because..." He swallows hard, and licks his lips before trying again. "...because I killed her. But I know she caused a lot of trouble for him. He had to adopt a lot of her uh... newly turned vampires."
"Mm, yeah. Don't think knowing a bit about their relationship before they fell out was what bothered him most, but sure it was in there." She brushes her hair behind her ear, and scratches her neck. "I can't— he made me promise not to tell you. And much as I kind of want to throttle him right now," she won't, of course, "I'm a woman of my word. And, y'know, I don't want to piss him off."
If he wasn't here, it might be different now—she wasn't entirely bluffing when she said the amount of respect keeping her mouth shut was wearing thinner—but he's here, and, ironically, she wouldn't have felt that wearing happening if he hadn't been.
"I won't ask you to break your word." Vampires take that very seriously and now so does Max. Even if it stings like sweat in a fresh cut.
"I... I went with Valdis and Siffleur to confront him. I told him I'm happy and safe here and I don't need him to protect me anymore. And I told him I needed some time to think before I want to talk to him again." His belly still flutters nervously even admitting that. He still doesn't know how he managed to be so brave.
"...good." She's damn near certain that the only reason Erik would agree to any such terms is because he knows damn well the only thing keeping people from making his life a living hell is Max, but at least that means it's having the desired effect. "That was brave of you, Max. You keep setting the lines you're comfortable with."
Daisy gives him a Look, but it's a Look born of affection. "Not stupid. This is big, messy stuff. Feeling sick after that sounds pretty understandable to me."
His shoulder relax as she says that. He's been so mixed up since it all happened, not knowing how to feel. It's nice to hear he's not doing it wrong somehow.
"Messy sounds right. I hope one day it won't all feel so confusing. I know that cutting him off is what everyone says to do but it's not easy. I didn't... I don't... hate him." No matter how many people say that he should.
"I know. And no one can ask you to. If Basira turned up, nothing Erin said would actually stop me from talking to her. Trying to work... something out." One of the many reasons she's a hypocrite for not telling him about Erik right off, but, well. Too late. At least they're talking about it. "I'd feel... weird, wouldn't be sure where I stood, but I'd do it. Erik's a different kind of complicated, confusing, but you'll get there."
She'd be more worried if he hadn't been able to set that initial boundary, but now he has... she thinks he can get there, work it out, for whatever measure that's possible.
"Yeah. That's it, exactly." It's awkward and uncomfortable, like two separate lives colliding head-on, but he still wants to work something out. He needs to do this. He needs to do it for himself. He took the first step and didn't fumble, and for that he wants to feel proud.
"I'm not going to let him be the boss of me ever again. I promise. But I don't want to shun him forever, either. If people can change, so can he. But if everyone keeps attacking him, he'll never want to."
"Yeah," Daisy breathes. She knows more than enough about how easy it is to keep justifying being a piece of shit if the world keeps feeding you convenient excuses. "Can't make promises for anyone else, but I won't poke the bear. Promise."
"Thank you," he says with complete sincerity. "I mean, obviously if he starts it I'm not going to blame you, but he's usually smarter than that. He doesn't like to fight." If he can talk himself out of it instead.
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hadnoright) wrote2022-11-01 01:56 am
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Literally a minute later. Knock knock.
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Daisy was absolutely
notpacing on the other side of that door for most of that minute. As soon as Max knocks, she's there opening it and letting him in."So. Uh."
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"He's here. On the ship. I talked to him."
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There's a moment of relief that he hasn't found out from someone that she already knew about this, but that moment passes quickly into the reality that she has a choice to make: play ignorant and hope to god Erik doesn't bust her, or rip the bandaid off and admit she's been sitting on this.
...but who's she kidding, there's only one right choice.
Daisy draws in a breath, and says: "...I know. I— I talked to him. I should've come told you, but I didn't know..." she shakes her head. "I should've told you."
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"You weren't one of the people that killed him, were you? I already know Erin did."
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The worst part of caring is when you do something wrong and you get to feel your heartstrings tugged by something as simple as falling shoulders. Daisy presses her lips together and steps back to sit on the edge of the couch.
"No. I didn't kill him. Didn't lay a hand on him except in self-defence. Even that was just a couple scratches. He—" she sighs, gestures loosely, "didn't like how much I knew about him. But he backed off, so I backed off."
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"He doesn't like when people know too much about him. He doesn't like when people have leverage over him." He knows he's probably not telling her anything she hasn't figured out for herself.
"What did he say to you? He actually attacked you?" Self defense, she said. What happened between them? Max has so rarely seen him lose his cool.
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"Grabbed me by the neck and pinned me to the wall. Only for a few seconds, really." She swipes her tongue over her teeth and chuckles humourlessly. "Didn't even hurt."
He would've had to try a lot harder to do her any real damage, and some part of her still wishes he'd given her the excuse, but no. Being the bigger person was the right thing, even if it feels like shit.
"I told him about my time with you both and he didn't believe me. So I told him things I could only know if he'd told me. And then he just fell back on poking at things to try and get a rise out of me. Probably would've worked, not that long ago."
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For the first time, curiosity is overpowering Max's caution. He knows Erik and Dasiy spent hours talking in private. Erik considered her more an equal than he ever did Max, so he must have shared more. Max always told himself he was content not knowing. But is he really?
"What... kind of things?"
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"Yeah. He did. But just that. Rest was just words."
And this version of him luckily didn't know her well enough to get under her skin with anything more than Max. Things might have ended differently if he did.
"Stuff about his past. Long before you were in the picture. About how he ended who he is. The same kind of stuff I ended up telling the him in the memory about me."
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"Was it... bad?"
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Daisy blows air past her lips, sinking a little against the back of the couch. "It was..." she trails off, and starts over: "I think he's concerned with how it makes him look. In different ways with different people. You know, he likes... control, over his image."
'Over everything', she doesn't say.
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"With vampires, your image and honor are a kind of currency. He was only thirty years into being an Elder and still had a lot to prove. I didn't, um... I didn't ask about his sister ever because..." He swallows hard, and licks his lips before trying again. "...because I killed her. But I know she caused a lot of trouble for him. He had to adopt a lot of her uh... newly turned vampires."
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"Mm, yeah. Don't think knowing a bit about their relationship before they fell out was what bothered him most, but sure it was in there." She brushes her hair behind her ear, and scratches her neck. "I can't— he made me promise not to tell you. And much as I kind of want to throttle him right now," she won't, of course, "I'm a woman of my word. And, y'know, I don't want to piss him off."
If he wasn't here, it might be different now—she wasn't entirely bluffing when she said the amount of respect keeping her mouth shut was wearing thinner—but he's here, and, ironically, she wouldn't have felt that wearing happening if he hadn't been.
"...what happened, when you talked to him?"
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"I... I went with Valdis and Siffleur to confront him. I told him I'm happy and safe here and I don't need him to protect me anymore. And I told him I needed some time to think before I want to talk to him again." His belly still flutters nervously even admitting that. He still doesn't know how he managed to be so brave.
"He didn't like it but... he agreed."
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"...good." She's damn near certain that the only reason Erik would agree to any such terms is because he knows damn well the only thing keeping people from making his life a living hell is Max, but at least that means it's having the desired effect. "That was brave of you, Max. You keep setting the lines you're comfortable with."
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Daisy gives him a Look, but it's a Look born of affection. "Not stupid. This is big, messy stuff. Feeling sick after that sounds pretty understandable to me."
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"Messy sounds right. I hope one day it won't all feel so confusing. I know that cutting him off is what everyone says to do but it's not easy. I didn't... I don't... hate him." No matter how many people say that he should.
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"I know. And no one can ask you to. If Basira turned up, nothing Erin said would actually stop me from talking to her. Trying to work... something out." One of the many reasons she's a hypocrite for not telling him about Erik right off, but, well. Too late. At least they're talking about it. "I'd feel... weird, wouldn't be sure where I stood, but I'd do it. Erik's a different kind of complicated, confusing, but you'll get there."
She'd be more worried if he hadn't been able to set that initial boundary, but now he has... she thinks he can get there, work it out, for whatever measure that's possible.
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"I'm not going to let him be the boss of me ever again. I promise. But I don't want to shun him forever, either. If people can change, so can he. But if everyone keeps attacking him, he'll never want to."
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"Yeah," Daisy breathes. She knows more than enough about how easy it is to keep justifying being a piece of shit if the world keeps feeding you convenient excuses. "Can't make promises for anyone else, but I won't poke the bear. Promise."
Or maybe it should be poke the hawk...
good place to wrap?
"I really appreciate you understanding."
yes!
He's far too smart to let himself be provoked to starting it a second time, she's sure of that. She'll have to behave. Ugh.
"'Course." She reaches to give his arm a light pat. "Least I can do."