She feels choked up - vaguely disgusting for it, like she will talk and flood the room with what's been stoppered up, and that somehow this will expose a fatal flaw that everyone can see. All she can do is keep breathing for the moment, working through the parts that feel like trapped muscles finally unclenching.
"Yeah. I spent six years pining after Basira, back home. Telling myself all the reasons it wouldn't work. Trying to convince myself it could in the same breath. Clinging on all that time because having her there was close enough. Things are better here. But if we'd never left... it never could've happened."
There's no version of reality back home where they got a happy ending. They had to leave that world behind to have a chance. And even if it has changed now, Daisy still remembers. And she still knows how their story was meant to end.
"She was the first person I had ever actually felt that way about. Learned all this stuff the hard way."
Six years. She can easily see how she'd do the same if it was possible. Locking her tongue in place so that it never moved, never jostled the situation. Taking solace from the fact that they were near, and that was enough.
"Gods. I don't need to explain it all to you, then."
Empathy's in her tone. Things are better here, possible here. Not identically the same - Daisy can live a life with Basira here, both of them attached to this soil - but enough that she doesn't need to rehash the level of terror that's felt at the idea of losing them by speaking. Wanting so badly to make things work anyway.
"...I'm going to be a miserable fucking wreck when it happens." She doesn't know how she's going to be able to do anything but grieve.
"You will be. And it'll hurt like hell. And then you'll figure out how to keep going. Because we've done it before."
It's just a new kind of rebuilding. They've both had to learn to live for something, to accept that they have a future that isn't doomed by their histories. A broken heart's just another piece of that.
The only thing she'll be able to do will be to give herself to the care of her friends. She'll live - people don't die of broken hearts. And she won't run away from life - he'd never want that for her. But it will need to be lived through.
Daisy, who right now feels as steady as sun warmed stone. She'll bare her wounds, and let them be bandaged.
Zero hesitation. No expectation. No expiry. She will be here. There's no other option. In choosing a new life, a new version of the her she is now, she made a choice to stand by her friends.
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hadnoright) wrote2022-11-01 01:56 am
no subject
She feels choked up - vaguely disgusting for it, like she will talk and flood the room with what's been stoppered up, and that somehow this will expose a fatal flaw that everyone can see. All she can do is keep breathing for the moment, working through the parts that feel like trapped muscles finally unclenching.
no subject
"Yeah. I spent six years pining after Basira, back home. Telling myself all the reasons it wouldn't work. Trying to convince myself it could in the same breath. Clinging on all that time because having her there was close enough. Things are better here. But if we'd never left... it never could've happened."
There's no version of reality back home where they got a happy ending. They had to leave that world behind to have a chance. And even if it has changed now, Daisy still remembers. And she still knows how their story was meant to end.
"She was the first person I had ever actually felt that way about. Learned all this stuff the hard way."
no subject
"Gods. I don't need to explain it all to you, then."
Empathy's in her tone. Things are better here, possible here. Not identically the same - Daisy can live a life with Basira here, both of them attached to this soil - but enough that she doesn't need to rehash the level of terror that's felt at the idea of losing them by speaking. Wanting so badly to make things work anyway.
"...I'm going to be a miserable fucking wreck when it happens." She doesn't know how she's going to be able to do anything but grieve.
no subject
"You will be. And it'll hurt like hell. And then you'll figure out how to keep going. Because we've done it before."
It's just a new kind of rebuilding. They've both had to learn to live for something, to accept that they have a future that isn't doomed by their histories. A broken heart's just another piece of that.
"But it'll hurt like hell first. So. Yeah."
no subject
The only thing she'll be able to do will be to give herself to the care of her friends. She'll live - people don't die of broken hearts. And she won't run away from life - he'd never want that for her. But it will need to be lived through.
Daisy, who right now feels as steady as sun warmed stone. She'll bare her wounds, and let them be bandaged.
no subject
"Always."
Zero hesitation. No expectation. No expiry. She will be here. There's no other option. In choosing a new life, a new version of the her she is now, she made a choice to stand by her friends.