Daisy doesn't know how to just Be, yet. To just talk casually. To stop her head swimming with all these thoughts she needs to let out but refuses to share with people. Jon Knows because Jon Knows her and Knows Basira and she never had to say it when she came to sit with him. He just Knows.
But she's not at home and she's still running a fever and there's a Basira in the Nothing that won't love her anymore if she sees the state she's in.
"We weren't. Together. At home. But she was there. Always. Ever since we became partners. I tried to hide what I did. But she knew. Didn't care. Covered for me. And then— and then I. I went away. For a while. Didn't want to. Got— swallowed up. And when Jon got me out. I was— this. Different. Resisting."
"Not. Exactly the same. She was. She was— more, in some ways. And she said she supported it. Me. Changing. Doing better. But."
She shakes her head, buries her face more against the pillow.
"No. S-She didn't— look at me the same. It was like. It was like she was looking at. At a ghost. Sometimes. Like I wasn't really there. G-Guess I wasn't, really. Not the way she needed me to be."
It's a good thing Daisy isn't looking at Erin. She opens her mouth to say something several times, to defend Daisy, to express anger and confusion that someone close to her would treat her that way.
Erin doesn't. It's not going to be welcome. And Erin doesn't know this other woman, or the circumstances.
What she says instead, after a long moment, is: "Can I hold you?"
As soon as her head is clear again, as soon as whatever taint is flushed from her system completely, she's going to regret saying any of this. Acknowledging this aloud to anyone has never been an option. Showing this kind of weakness is not an option.
But she's shaking, now. She's shaking and weak and when she nods, she already knows she's going to kick herself for it later.
Erin does take her boots and sword belt off first, but then she climbs into the bed to hold Daisy close, to nestle her head against the back of Daisy's neck and be there for her. Feeling protective, and concerned, and...
Daisy feels small and helpless and lost and everything she hates feeling, but she's also just as tired of being alone as she is tired of caring when caring only gets you hurt.
What good was clinging to a human heart when all it meant was it could still break?
She never quite relaxes, but her breathing slows. It slows until it's almost steady, if not for the little hitches from the discomfort of illness. It slows until Daisy is starting to fall asleep with Erin there holding her.
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hadnoright) wrote2022-11-01 01:56 am
no subject
Daisy doesn't know how to just Be, yet. To just talk casually. To stop her head swimming with all these thoughts she needs to let out but refuses to share with people. Jon Knows because Jon Knows her and Knows Basira and she never had to say it when she came to sit with him. He just Knows.
But she's not at home and she's still running a fever and there's a Basira in the Nothing that won't love her anymore if she sees the state she's in.
"We weren't. Together. At home. But she was there. Always. Ever since we became partners. I tried to hide what I did. But she knew. Didn't care. Covered for me. And then— and then I. I went away. For a while. Didn't want to. Got— swallowed up. And when Jon got me out. I was— this. Different. Resisting."
no subject
no subject
"Not. Exactly the same. She was. She was— more, in some ways. And she said she supported it. Me. Changing. Doing better. But."
She shakes her head, buries her face more against the pillow.
"No. S-She didn't— look at me the same. It was like. It was like she was looking at. At a ghost. Sometimes. Like I wasn't really there. G-Guess I wasn't, really. Not the way she needed me to be."
no subject
Erin doesn't. It's not going to be welcome. And Erin doesn't know this other woman, or the circumstances.
What she says instead, after a long moment, is: "Can I hold you?"
no subject
As soon as her head is clear again, as soon as whatever taint is flushed from her system completely, she's going to regret saying any of this. Acknowledging this aloud to anyone has never been an option. Showing this kind of weakness is not an option.
But she's shaking, now. She's shaking and weak and when she nods, she already knows she's going to kick herself for it later.
no subject
(We can say it. To ourselves.)
...In love, probably.
She doesn't say anything. There's nothing to say.
no subject
Daisy feels small and helpless and lost and everything she hates feeling, but she's also just as tired of being alone as she is tired of caring when caring only gets you hurt.
What good was clinging to a human heart when all it meant was it could still break?
She never quite relaxes, but her breathing slows. It slows until it's almost steady, if not for the little hitches from the discomfort of illness. It slows until Daisy is starting to fall asleep with Erin there holding her.
And scene?
scene
Daisy grumbles just faintly, and drifts off into an uneasy but real sleep.